To be honest, the Men of 306WD have very little experience with sucessful pickups to pass along since we have very little experience with successful pickups. However, in the interest of serving the public we have done some research, watched a little USA Up All Night, thought long and hard about the subject and then asked Taco Tim, as he has had one successful pickup. We've boiled down all that research into a handful of helpful tips to take you from the moment she accepts your drink or giggles at your awkard pickup line right up until she's in the bag, so to speak.

If you need help picking up chicks, please see the Guide To Picking Up Hot Chicks. For the following advice, we assume you have her attention and she seems pleased with it, or at least hasn't done anything that a court of law would consider a "clear and distinct indication of disinterest" (not our words)

PLEASE NOTE: You should memorize this BEFORE trying to pickup a chick. If you find yourself reading this only when you need the help then you'll need our guide to Dealing With Rejection

So it seems like she's interested? Then there are only two ways for this to end, good or bad. These tips are to help you to the good. If you want to know how to get to the bad, just order the film of Ryan in action from the giftshop.

Tip #1: Make Sure She Is Interested

Cannot stress this enough. We've all been there, drunk, talking away thinking we were making progress only to find out that when she said "Go to Hell" she literally meant for you to leave. If you are reading these tips, chances are that if she somehow does find you cute or interesting, she will be very subtle about it to avoid people knowing. Therefore it is hard to tell when you've got a bite. We've found easier to know when you she is not interested. A few bad signs:

  • Spitting
  • Giving you high praise of your pickup line. (I know you want to believe her but she's just being "scarastic")
  • Pointing you out to her boyfriend or bouncer
  • Phoning the police
  • Reminding you, with a letter, of the judge's decision
Just because you haven't gotten thee signs doesn't mean your in, however, not having one is a good sign. Keep trying!

Tip #2: Find Something She's Interested To Talk About

Sound tough? It's really not. The hard part is not sounding creepy.

Not-Creepy: "I noticed you have an Armani sweater on, where did you get it?"
Creepy: "Your sweater is so fuzzy-soft, especially in the arm-pits"

Not-Creepy: "You look like a career woman, what do you do?"
Creepy: "I noticed in your diary that your boss is a moron, what did he do today?"

Get the picture? Creepy is stuff you wish you could talk to her about, not-creepy is all the other stuff.

Tip #3: Never Let Her Be Alone With Her Friends

Not even for a second. If you thought the chances of one woman finding you charming are low, consider the chances of a group of them feeling the same way. This is very difficult to do without seeming creepy (a common problem for MK), especially when she needs to go to the bathroom. To keep her near and out of the potty, we suggest more drinks, light conversation about her shoes, or better yet dancing!

Tip #4: Can you dance?

TEAR IT UP! We realize that dancing is probably a last-resort but it is a terribly effective one. Even if you are a mildly successful dancer, dancing is good if she is willing. Dancing tips are a subject all to themselves and will be offered soon at the Guide to Dancing. If you do take this tip, you'll probably both need some alcohol first.

Tip #5: Drinking

Plain and simple, fill'er up! We're not advocating taking her to a state of unconsiouness where she cannot stop your advances. Of course not. What we are saying is that, hey, you're a nice guy and she's been brainwashed by the losers-are-no-good-to-sleep-with slanted media. Once she has a few drinks and clears her mind she will decide, on her own, that you are better than nothing. It's just your job to help her loosen up and relax. (A side note here, once she is loosened up don't let her get near other guys. If she's willing to hang out with you, then she's probably willing to hang out with anybody)

Tip #6: Pay Up-Front (only 1 in 4 Men of 306WD Recommend this)

Bob is very adamant about getting this tip in the list despite the rest of us objecting. Bob says "If you give her the money first, then there is no question about whether she'll need to call her employer thus allowing her to relax." For obvious reasons this tip does not belong here but instead in our upcoming, Guide to Picking a Good Whore. We had to put the tip here or Bob said he would quit 306WD.

So everything seems to be going well, how to make something from this that will give truth to the stories you are planning on telling your friends? Well for that you will need the Guide to Making the Score, which we haven't written yet.
If you have experience in this area


Taco Tim Ryan M.K. Bob
How many successful pickups have you had?


0.5 (see Bob's)

what? when? um, about None

0.5 (see Ryan's)

What is the worse thing a chick can do to ruin your approach?

Laugh with her friends

Laugh with your friends

Once, a hot chick told me i was really cool!

Tell her boyfriend

Which of the above tips do you find the most useful?

#5, I was going to do that anyway

#2, So arm-pits are not a good subject?

#4, I like to tear it up!

none of them, I just say "my name is Bob"